Toes at Twilight

It’s almost morning, and I think I can stick it out till the first rays filter through my windows. I haven’t done this in a while, but the routine is comfortably familiar. After a hopeless chick-flick in the theater and another episode of Gossip Girl, a fancy for watching You’ve got mail yet again, I am wishing for Twilight, nonsensically shallow but working fling stuff. I think the reason I like You’ve got mail is that it runs with a hope, that despite all odds, positivity can sustain. A feat so hard to pull off in reality. We just seem to sprout way too many toes.

If I let my eyes take a breath I shall float to sleep, but the thoughts you sleep off with hunt you down in the morning. I want my pillow to smell of Oceanus, and a Cool Water wrist relaxing my temples, my favourite music and a soulful voice. Ever so fleetingly the thought of a friend who I met a long time ago crosses my mind. Pink satin envelopes or the irrelevance of it all that scares me. In any case, no decision should be made at 4 am! Maybe tomorrow, or some other day.

In the mean time, may be Her Morning Elegance would sail me to slumber.

The Morning After

06:00 goes the alarm. 06:05 I am up and out of the door.

You don’t wake up,
you don’t even know.
The wine has flown,
generous with the berry,
sweet and sour,
you enjoyed it dearly.
But times’ up as daylight shone,
Upon the trail we left
but I wish not to own.
And now hear, a whisper satanic,
you say, ”Go not so quickly.”
I get jitters, my knees go weak.
My palms all sweaty.
This really can’t be.

There are a number of ways of managing the mornign after. Like making breakfast, or letting him make the breakfast. Or going out for a coffee. May be, not sleeping at all and chatting so long that you croak at dawn. May be you can be comfortable. May be it makes sense to make the morning after a continuation of the night before.

But NO! Period! Its stupid and crazy! Set your clock for an alarm. Get out. Leave no trace. Run. Ha! …Phew! Thats the only way to manage well the morning after. But, what if he asks you to stay?

Dear Lord, civil behaviour can be such a pain in the behind! And my knees go weak and my palms all sweaty. I need to run, before you wake to see!

She

I find myself resting my head against the edge of the fridge. No I AM NOT hungry! This is after dinner!  Suddenly cigarettes whisky and a foot massage have a lot more meaning and are even more unattainable. You know, it really feels good when u let the weight fall off your shoulders, even if its on your fridge. Don’t try it on a metro pillar, you may suffer fatal death.

They do say you really love a woman when she walks out of that door! Yea buddy, you could sing her songs now, serenade her with wine, flowers and pink pillows that u had not dusted since Adams, take a bath too.. But She has left the building. Not only that, She is probably getting her visa for Slovakia!

I feel like a machine gun with no ammo. Pup pup pup. Pup pup.

Pup.

All my life I wanted to be rich, independent, living alone  kinda girl! Obviously beautiful, desired, loved, admired was all a part of it and all these are criteria satisfied! But there She goes. My dream.

I remember the first time I saw Her. I was in school long time ago and I don’t know why but I was not in class and yes, probably was out-standing, in detention. And I, saw Her. Well at least Her shadow. It was tall, with long willowy legs, long nose, long face, just like me but older, richer, more famous than notorious.

But staying with your parents can have the effect! Obviously not on the pay, but everything else.

She looked like the type who never had to run cause she was gud at getting things done anyway. She had seen the hard days and was now walkin’ on sun shine, baby!

But then since generation gap is something scientists have not found a cure for, and nor has Obama done anything about it and since the Indian Congress is too involved in the IPL I have to deal with it my self as I see Her explode, shatter.

Pup pup pup.

Dance the tango! Do the twist! Fly over the moon, and no you won’t fall! Falling is what losers do. You must be above gravity! (And who cares if you do! we just want some entertainment)

How am I, 23 year old, lesser paid lawyer, single woman, presently feeling like an adolescent, staying with parents, with some non-negligible deductive and inductive reasoning, a falsetto voice to make bathing bearable, and O+ blood group (pls don’t make me fly over the moon!), supposed to forge private happy time let alone be Her?

They say we are all in it! I say if we were, why is  there not a national song to brace us for it!!

So I chose She. Elvis Costello. Let me know what yours would be.

You've got mail

My Buggy is doing very well,  2800 down and young as ever! I only just realised that I have a chip. The one you use to get past DND without stopping. But I like waiting in the line. Its nice to meet someone new. Most people who go past the Toll do it so mechanically. I would hate to be the man behind the counter.

I just watched you’ve got mail yet again. Some movies just have a way of making you feel good. The list never included Rocky or Heros or PS: I love you. But you’ve got mail. There is so much hope.. and is not Meg Ryan the prettiest? and the wonderful zingers she gets. Quite admire the way he folds her mind. And since Brinkley, I have only wanted a golden retriever. My cousin got a dog, a pom. They look annoying.

My boss and I are telepathic. At least he can read my thoughts. Very scary situation when you are upto non-sense.

Body Shop has sale!!

I want to go to China.

Have you ever met someone you would rather know when you are 40?

Everyone seems to be wanting to be judges or discussing their assets. I want to marry one of them Now this wouldn’t make contempt would it?

I am smelling of cherry blossoms. I now remember there was a TV series when i was a kid, Blossoms, or was it the protagonists name? Cherry Blossoms.. the name reminds me of Mrs. Maria, my English teacher. She was ever so bright. I always made better friends with my teachers.

My parents talk law now! I am wondering who needs the break.

Would love to drink some wine tomorrow.

The Smell of Winter

Have you seen it in you? May be not. But one can associate smells with phases in life. Like Biore reminds me of school days – syncopation, black velvet, abba, A.V. Room, cords and mikes. And the smell of mutton –  the bad sleezy smell you only get in our college- of cribbing even before exams at my real home on the fifth floor.  Bad booze, of Outlawed. Dhoop, of the girl who lived in 306, and played secret smile before every presentation. Neem – the first few days at High Court, when my knuckles hurt as much as  my feet, blacks and whites, and all things that didn’t fit right, and at times still don’t. Cheese – melting cheese of dominoes, tara, getting high on cheese and shallots, fighting over ice cream, and hardly managing to reach in time for attendance in Petro-mining. Strawberry hands n Strawberry knees of night outs at Roxy, lips wet with cosmopolitan, girl talk and  hiccups, partying till we dropped dead, rose cheeked, shoes worn, if Shubho had not already torn them! Coffee to wear out the booze, and creative conversations on how all other girls were complete skanks that night. And Lilies. Lilies of late night strolls, caffeine in my veins, Iris on our lips, and at times unrealizing in our feet too.

The other day I got a whiff of him. But like tides and the sea shore,  I see it come before it goes.

On other things-I simply loved Three Idiots! And yes, I watched it again!! Awesome screenplay, almost no errors in direction, couldn’t have had better casting.  Awesome. Just Awesome.

Shashi Tharoor is again in a mess for saying the truth. He ought to realize he is wasting himself in politics. Better write a few more books, I say!

Wonder who won todays’ match.

I had the most amazing brunch at Diners today. A round of the  fresh, straight-from-the-farm fruits, with water melon juice! Fresh too!! And cheese – a variety of. Chicken salads..Followed by soup and broth. Breads bacon and sausages.. yummm..  and three – three rounds of desserts. Chocolate pudding, with walnuts, well roasted and bitter. With dark chocolate sauce… dreamy.. Then a round of mixed fruit cake.. yes reminds me of Kookie Jar trips.. and then the divine.. Divine Dark wine Mousse.  Hmm.. Nice.

Coupling

Can couples co-exist after a while? I believe, everything can be good, wonderful actually given its shortness of longevity. You might like coffee, it could be your very favourite, but may be, may be it makes more sense to have ginger lemon tea more often instead. You could write a novel and be famous, but till then you might need to carry on as a lawyer/doctor/ plumber, I don’t know!

Can you wake up to the same face all your life? Some people agree to, very willingly. I saw that myself, for the first time, and I felt it was the most right thing to do. But I won’t agree about any one else.  Its so easy, comfortable, meaningful to talk about how two friends should not be together. I know they shouldn’t, because she could do better, and may be he is a scumbag, or the reverse. But its almost always the case.

I still believe, apart from finances, there is no real cause to marry. But that too is not a fair judgment. For won’t you have double the birthdays and anniversaries to attend? Isn’t a dog a better substitute. May be a stuffed animal?

Your whole damned life?!

When you are 80, you both would hardly be able to hear each other, unless you are lucky. That’s the time you need compassion the most, as you are already always complaining of extreme though non-existent ill-treatment. When you are 70, you might not be going out too much, and be sick of the others face. You might not be going out much and that could be because you always already have company. When you are 60, one of you can’t have seedy foods while the other prefers everything sour, so you anyway can’t order a meal and enjoy it too. When you are 50, one of you is probably an alcoholic who needs liver treatment. And the other one a nag. At 40, you’d be worried sick about something, and would hardly be nice to anyone. Thirties… Well, thirties are an all new ball game. You are still young, still beautiful to each other. Probably still not that familiar. But, this too won’t be possible if you stayed together. Every meal, every game. Books. You know everything then. And all you talk about is probably your day. Which has been long already. May be it would be good, if you took separate rooms and all. And tried to catch up when you could. But the rooms I guess would help. May be even change the course I just charted.

Some fool once told me that life is not a couplings’ episode. I say you got to do what you have to, to keep you happy. Have a nice year you all.

Space Between

Familiarity breeds contempt..

Days go by, crush bubbles burst… They are looking for something to look forward to.

At home yet not at home.

I know one more person who doesn’t like her.. yey.. na na na naana na na na naana..